Adventures of Weird Jerry

Jeremiah wasn't a bullfrog. He was a boy. A human boy and he lived in the suburbs.

During the summer days, while his parents were away, he'd often mope around the house in nothing but his boxers. They were green but that's beside the point. Little Jer didn't have many friends. All the other school-kids used to call him Jerry the Fairy. Jerry didn't see what the big deal was. Fairies seemed pretty darn cool. They could fly and cast spells. Jerry would’ve loved to be able to cast spells. That’s an infinite number of peanut butter and banana sandwiches.
One day while Jerry was home alone on a particularly hot day, loafing around in his boxers watching Ricky Lake, he heard a knock coming from his closet door. So Jerry peels himself from the plastic-covered couch that his mother loved so much and walked to the closet. The knock repeated. Jerry opened the door.

Part I: Jerry Falls Through the Looking Glass

A red rabbit stood behind the door. Jerry looked at the rabbit. The rabbit averted his eyes immediately from Jerry's eyes and looked at his pocket watch.

"Oh so late."

Jerry continued staring at the rabbit. The red rabbit cleared his throat and repeated his previous statement, this time louder.

"Oh so late."

Jerry stared into the rabbit's soul. The rabbit edged away from the closet door and dropped the watch.

"Are you not going to ask me what I'm late for?"

Jerry shook his head and continued devouring the rabbit with his eyes.

"Well. This is awkward...and creepy. Kid, can you not look at me so creepily. Hasn't anyone told you that staring at strangers is bad manners."

Jerry responded quietly,"Do you live in my closet?"

The rabbit thought to himself. He'd been asked many questions in his long rabbit life but none so straightforward.

"No. I'm trying to find the queen," replied the rabbit in a stately tone.

"Does the queen live in my closet?"

The rabbit shivered when he realized that Jerry hadn't blinked once since he opened the door. He backed away from the door. "You know, I think this might be the wrong door. I'll just be going...on my way." The red rabbit turned his back on Jerry and retreated deeper into the closet.

"Wait, rabbit. Don't leave."

The rabbit turned his head.

Jerry continued,"I might have some carrots or something in the frigidaire"

"Frigidaire? How old are you, kid? No, I think I'll pass on the carrots. We rabbits don't even really like carrots. That's pretty much racist. Pretty much."

Jerry ignored this last comment and wheezed "Will you be my pet?"

The rabbit sighed and was forced to make a split-second decision. Should he verbally assault this kid who was obviously ignorant of him and his rabbit ways or should he give the poor kid a hug. Damn. Of all the troubled kids that he was sent to help by injecting whimsy and wonderment into their messed up lives, he had to find the creepiest, anti-rabbit one. Plus, he smelled like sweat and peanut butter. And as we all know, red rabbits hate peanut butter.

The rabbit made up his mind.

"Ok kid, you can come with me. Prepare to go on a journey filled with whimsy and wonderment et cetera et cetera. But do me a favor. On the way, can you refrain from looking at me like that?”